"Espero"

Native English-speakers use so many words.  Millions of them.  We have formal and slang words. We often have several different words to describe the same emotion or object. We even invent words -- and use them (YOLO, bae -- and so on)!  But for all our words, I still occasionally find that even my complex English can fall to its knees in the wake of the simplest word spoken in another language. 

Like tonight.

For awhile now, I have been learning Spanish as I walk forward into preparation for international work and ministry, which I believe God is calling me to do with my life. (For more on how that came about, click here.) 
Spanish is a beautiful language.  It is complex yet gracefully simple.  I am now at the point where I can converse [very simply] with native speakers (who are remarkably patient with me), and few things give me more joy.  
Because I am learning, my brain hears a string of Spanish words and then whirrs into action, hastily calculating, translating, and rearranging the Spanish words until they make sense to me in English.  When I understand the meaning in English, I then re-arrange, re-translate, and "mentally file" the Spanish phrase -- successfully learned.  (Learning is exhausting sometimes.)  

However, sometimes it takes just one word to stop me in my tracks.

Tonight I was listening to worship in Spanish, and I was thrilled by how easily and quickly my mind was recognizing and understanding the words.  I felt such freedom to worship in my new second language!  
The music continued, "Espero aqui . . . ."
My brain snagged, and the mental hole ripped open wider and wider as I continued to translate the rest of the sentence, but simultaneously remain fixated on that one word.

Espero.  

Something wasn't quite right.  I knew that word, didn't I?  I quickly identified what the problem was.  Why my brain couldn't translate it immediately.

It has more than one meaning.         

I don't often encounter Spanish words that have more than one meaning (as is common in English).  Maybe it's because I'm not that advanced yet, but this word threw me for a loop.  

Espero is the I-form of the verb Esperar, which means, "to wait."  It also means, "to hope."  
I wasn't sure whether to translate "espero" as "I wait", or "I hope".  And just like that, I felt God smile in my heart.  Exactly, He seemed to say.

English-speakers have differentiated between the two words, giving them not only different names but dissimilar meanings and associations.  But in Spanish, the two actions are represented by one word, one concept.  If I am waiting for God to move, Espero.  If I am hoping for God to move, Espero.  

In most cases, waiting is a form of hoping.  And sometimes, hoping does mean waiting.  I know for a fact that God is calling me to begin treating waiting and hoping as the same verb.  As Esperar.

This summer, a friend told me that there is little point in "trusting God" if hope is not attached to that trust.  Hopeless "trust" is really just "resignation" wearing a Christian mask.  How often I have succumbed to resignation in my faith-walk, convinced that God might show Himself good in my life someday, but until then, I couldn't expect a life of abundance or joyful intimacy with God -- or a faith that "worked."   Sometimes I find it ironic that many Christians feel the same way, yet spend their whole lives trying to convince others to adopt a faith that isn't even "working" for them! 
Has life dealt you some blows?  Do you owe the enemy a few?  I sure do.  And I want to hit him hard when I do.  This leads me to ask you a few questions that I've already asked myself:

1.  Do you believe God is good?
2.  Do you believe that God's heart toward you is good?
3.  Do you believe that God will be good . . . to you?
4.  Do you believe that God will do what He says He will do?

God hasn't just told us that we can trust Him.  He's shown us.  I don't have to look far to know with conviction that God can take the ugliest mess, the most searing pain, and the deepest darkness . . . and completely transform them into radiant beauty, gentle wisdom, and triumphant healing.  This God can raise hope from the ashes of shattered dreams.  He can make clear roadways where there appear to be only brick walls.  He can bring monsoon rains to desert souls, and suddenly, tangibly fulfill promises long-awaited.  This God can most definitely be trusted.  When He speaks a word, He will bring it about. 

If you are in a waiting season, how would you characterize your waiting?  Do you wait with resignation?  Do you wait with bitterness or despair?  Would you dare to say, "I wait with hope?"  Do you trust Him enough to go before Him, nestle into His everlasting arms, and whisper, "Espero"?

I have decided that life without hope in God is no life at all.  With God's help to keep my heart strong during seasons of waiting, I will continue to say, "¡Espero!"  May He breathe hope into you as well.

Dios contigo. <3

Pink Clouds and Broken Mirrors

One evening, when I had finished my last class of the day and was walking to another building on campus, I glanced up at the sky and stopped in my tracks.  The sky was beautiful; it took my breath away.  The sun started to dip below the horizon, filling the sky with brilliant orange color.  But it was the large, puffy clouds that caught my attention the most.

They were bright pink.  

I walked more slowly, staring, until the sun suddenly disappeared below the horizon and the sky dimmed dramatically.  Now the clouds turned ashy grey.  I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that something so beautiful and unique a minute ago was now bleak and plain.  Did the clouds have some hidden beauty I wasn't seeing right now?

Later I realized that on their own, the clouds were just empty, blank canvases.  It was the sun's rays that made the clouds beautiful as they reflected its glory.  Sound familiar?

The concept of reflecting glory reminds me of something I heard on the radio years ago, when Luci Swindoll (the sister of renowned evangelist Chuck Swindoll) presented a unique view of us as Christians.  According to Ms. Swindoll, we are all broken mirror fragments, broken by our pasts, our sins, our failures, and our experiences, but all able to reflect the glory of Jesus Christ!  We can reflect His glory despite our brokenness -- even through our brokenness!  

This is an illustration of who we are.  We are blank, grey clouds and broken mirrors.  But even we can be used for His glory if we choose to reflect Him no matter the circumstances.  Just as I was captivated by the beauty of that sunset and wondered whether the beauty originated from the clouds or from the sun shining on the clouds, so will the world look at us and wonder if the peace we have (or the confidence, the hope, the joy) is something we somehow found in ourselves, or if it really does come from knowing Jesus Christ intimately.   

2 Corinthians 3:18, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."

2 Corinthians 4:6, "For God, who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."

Isaiah 60:1-3, "Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.  For behold, darkness will cover the earth and deep darkness the peoples; but the Lord will rise upon you and His glory will appear upon you.  Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising."

Beautiful Scars

This isn't a normal message from Facing Midian.  This message is straight to you, from my heart.  This morning I am overflowing with praise -- I hardly know why I am writing this; I just want to share with you what my sweet Lord has done for me.  

He has turned my scabs into beautiful scars.

Now, I know about scars.  I have physical scars from burns I received in an accident when I was 16 months old, injuries that required so many surgeries that my mom lost count.  I don't remember it, but the trauma from that incident has remained with me and made me unable to handle being in a children's hospital in Brazil.  Oh yes, I have scars.  But one thing I know about scars is this: scars don't still hurt. 

The worst kind of wound is the kind you carry with you every day -- a wounded heart.  My heart was wounded, and I carried that pain with me for a long, long time.  I didn't know how to get past it.  I couldn't see past it.  I couldn't feel past it.  

Today I opened my prayer journal and flipped back to the entries that mark the worst emotional pain of my life.  The pain written on those pages is blistering and intense, almost radiating up into my face as I read them.  But what I experienced when I read them today . . . was different.  

Yesterday I asked the Lord to heal my heart once and for all.  I knew I couldn't truly live until I'd been fully, completely healed.  I couldn't move forward without it.  I'd tried for months and months to "think" my way into healing and "study" my way into healing.  All that time, God was longing for me to reach the end of my rope and just ask Him.  Just ask Him.  He wanted me to ask for a miracle.  He wanted me to realize that He didn't need my help to heal.  He wanted me to realize that there was absolutely nothing I could do to get myself out of this pit.  It would have to be all Him. 

This morning, I re-read those devastating journal entries and didn't feel what I used to feel.  I didn't identify with the woundedness or wonder how I'd ever be healed from such devastation.  I felt whole again, and peaceful, and healed.  

Jesus has healed my heart.

Hallelujah!  What beautiful, beautiful scars.

"Praise God we don't have to hide scars!
"They just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts.
"They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are.
"So praise God, praise God!
"Oh His are covering ours,
"So Praise God we don't have to hide scars." -Jonny Diaz, "Scars"

Praise God for these beautiful scars!

Ashton

I've been reading through Frank Peretti's novel This Present Darkness for a couple weeks now, often late into the night -- which really isn't smart because that book is not conducive to sleep!  It's been opening my eyes to what could very well be going on in the spirit realm, and it's both exciting and mind blowing.  I hadn't realized before how powerful the prayers of the Remnant (i.e., true followers of Jesus Christ) could potentially be in influencing what goes on in the spiritual realm!   

Peretti published this book back in 1986, but his depiction of the fictional town of Ashton eerily resembles . . . the current state of this entire country.  Wouldn't you agree?  Just look around.  Look at your generation.  Look at my generation!  Look at families, look at society -- abominations occur every single day because people choose to avert their eyes and let it slide.  Evil has infiltrated and been absorbed by our country, playing out devastating effects on people from pre-birth to 100 years old.  It doesn't take a lot of imagination to recognize that Satan is having a heyday with the United States of America.  

I've felt helpless against this for so long.  But a few days ago, I read something that shifted my perspective and showed me that I can change this.  We can change this.

2 Chronicles 7:14, "If My people, who are called by My name, humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 

Let me dissect this verse to show you what I'm seeing.  

"My people, who are called by My name" clearly refers to us (the Remnant), if not only to the original context (the nation of Israel).

Apparently, we as God's people have the opportunity and the responsibility to petition God for the healing of our country, something He promises to actually do!  But there's a catch!  According to the rest of this verse, four things have to happen inside us first: 

1. We must humble ourselves
2. We must pray
3. We must seek His face
4. We must turn from our wicked ways

If you're skeptical at this point, don't worry; I was too.  Does God really heal a wicked land when the Church (I'm referring to the Remnant, not a denomination or a building) prays for its healing?  

"But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare." -Jeremiah 29:7

This seems to indicate that we should pray on behalf of a wicked nation because there will be direct results from those prayers!  The exciting thing is that God is stirring up the Remnant to pray for this country -- just like in This Present Darkness -- and that just tells me that something big IS going on here, and we can't ignore those urges to pray and cry out to God for healing and repentance.

Okay . . . but what if I were the only one in the world praying?  Would my prayers really be heard and answered?  The prayers of one person can seem so insignificant . . . . 

Let me show you something that's just so precious to me.  As I was struggling with feelings of "prayer inadequacy syndrome," God led me to Daniel chapters 9-10.  Daniel, who was a captive in Babylon during this time, was burdened for his native land, since Jerusalem has long been seized by the Chaldeans.  He saw all the wickedness going on and pleaded with God, all by himself, for the redemption of his people (Daniel 9:4-19).  Daniel hadn't even finished his prayer before God sent Gabriel to give Daniel understanding (v. 20-27)!  Two years later, Daniel was given a prophetic word, and it troubled him so much that he mourned for three weeks.  During that mourning time, Daniel saw a vision of a "terrifying man" who came to explain what was yet to happen to the people.  

Here's what I saw in these two chapters.  Both Gabriel (in Dan. 9:22) and the "terrifying man" (in Dan. 10:11, 19) made a point to tell Daniel that he was greatly loved.  How precious is that?  Daniel was just praying all by himself, and God took such pleasure in his sincere (but solitary) prayers that He sent two messengers not only to answer Daniel, but also to tell him how greatly he was loved.  

My point is, even if you were the only one on Earth praying for your nation, God wouldn't see that as insignificant.      

So, think about it.  In Matthew 18:19-20, Jesus says, " 'Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.  for where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I among them.' "  

Reading This Present Darkness has shown me that we do actually have the authority to fight Satan -- and win -- in Jesus' name!  Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world!  This country was dedicated to God at its birth!

As a young Christ-follower, I'm deciding to take a stand and tell Satan NO!  He cannot have my country!  If necessary I will stand alone, unafraid.  I'm not afraid of Satan!  I'm now calling to you.  Will you stand with me against Satan and his demons, and pray for God to send down warrior angels to fight for this country?  Will you beg God to stir up the Remnant to pray, to stand up, to lead, to speak?  Will you beg God to bring this nation to its knees in repentance?  To bring revival?  To bring healing? 

Do you believe that we can change America -- our very own Ashton?

I do.

 

Unlocked: A Lesson from Brazil

Two months ago, if someone asked me if I believed in the power of prayer, I would say "Yes, of course!" but wouldn't really believe it.  I'd agree because that's what Christians do.  However, if there were ever a crisis and someone said, "Let's pray about it," I'd feel frustrated because that wouldn't seem like enough.  I would feel the need to do something about the crisis.  Countless times before when I'd prayed, it appeared that God didn't answer.  And I was sick of it.  Don't get me wrong; God and I were tight!  It's just that over time I developed a slightly pessimistic view of prayer.

But my world turned upside down when I went to Brazil.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was given the opportunity to share my testimony in an evening church service.  I didn't have a very clear idea of what to say so I was very dependent on the Lord to lead me as I spoke.  I was completely humbled by what He did with my story that night.  Twenty blog posts couldn't fully describe what happened.  It was incredibly awesome, and I was so, so blessed.  

The next morning, however, I woke up sick.  Not only that, but I also felt spiritually attacked.  My emotions were frayed and every part of me felt assaulted.  The women on our mission team prayed over me that morning, but nevertheless, the attack escalated throughout the day.  I even felt a wall between me and God.  That night, I went to Jill (my mentor on the trip) and told her what I was going through.  Her response was to gather the women again, lay hands on me, and absolutely go to war.  These women prayed so hard for me.  When they stopped praying, Jill looked me straight in the eye and said, "Tomorrow, this illness will be gone."

I nodded and smiled but didn't really believe her.  I knew that, without treatment, the illness I had would not go away for at least 4 days.  My pessimism seemed justified by the fact that nothing had happened as a result of their prayers that morning. 

But the next day after breakfast, I was stunned.  I was completely well.  And the spiritual attack was gone.  I was humbled almost to the point of humiliation.  I wanted to scream at myself, "Woman, where is your faith?"

The day after I got well, another woman on our team fell very ill, so much so that she couldn't even leave the dorm room.  I was in the dorm room getting ready for the day when the Spirit spoke to my heart, Drop everything.  Go get the women and pray for her.  Do it now.  Do it now.

I literally dropped everything I was holding and ran outside to find Jill and the other women on our team.  I apologized for interrupting their devotions but insisted that I felt led to get the women together and pray for our teammate.  The women responded that they had felt the exact prompting just before I ran over.  

We went to war for our teammate, believing that God could and would answer, and that He could and would heal, if that was His will for her that day (which we believed it could be).  Only a few hours later, our teammate was on her feet and was diving back into ministry with the rest of us.  

Needless to say, it didn't take much for my attitude to change.  Since I got back, prayer has become one of the most exciting aspects of my walk with God.  I'm absolutely delighting in the power of prayer, and I believe He is delighting in my delight.  The Lord is captivated by unabashed faith.  I've been home from Brazil for a month already, and I can't even count the prayers He has answered.  From big things to little things, the Lord has responded when I pray in faith, and pray in step with His will.  

Pastor Jim Johnson from JustAPreacher Ministries (www.justapreacherministries.org) says that God is LOOKING for genuine faith. "I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" -Luke 18:8 (emphasis mine)

Not just the kind of faith that trusts Him for salvation, but faith that is practical and continues every day of your life.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." -James 1:5-6 (emphasis mine)

This is the key to unlocking prayer.  Here was my problem -- I would pray, but didn't really trust God to answer the way I wanted Him to.  My previous experiences with prayer trained me to think that way.  But in reality, it's not that God wasn't answering me.  God sometimes let bad things happen in my life because He saw the bigger picture and knew that He could bring much glory out of those things. 
Also, when I prayed, I always had a Plan B in case God "didn't come through."  That wasn't honoring Him; that was sending a silent message to Him that sounded like, "God, I love You, but I don't think You're big enough to come through for me.  I have this Plan B because, frankly, I don't trust You."

Get rid of those Plan Bs right now.

If you don’t have a Plan B, that means your only option is Plan A – Jesus.  Our society has watered-down Jesus and made Him seem wimpy and weak, tame, tender and – well, effeminate, really.  That’s not the Jesus I read about in the Bible.  That’s not the Jesus that single-handedly cleared out the temple, or walked on the water through a hurricane, or calmed that hurricane by a single word, or valiantly took my place and bled and broke and died for me.  My God is wild and all-powerful.  My God is good. 

 "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." -Hebrews 11:6

I am saddened when I hear people say, “Well?  I guess all we can do now is pray,” as if prayer is the final resort when all human efforts have failed.  That’s backwards.  Now, when I face anything (a happy day, a crisis, whatever), my first response –my first choice!-- is prayer.  God  is completely trustworthy.  He loves us.  He wants us to come to Him.  Will we not trust Him, this wild, passionate, incredible God? 

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

I choose to unlock my prayers.  I choose You, Lord.  I’m not relying on a Plan B.  I want that radical faith.  In fact, during debrief on our last morning in Brazil, I summarized that experience by identifying what God has been longing to say to me all along.

“Woman, great is your faith!”

Much at Stake: The Risk

"Why are you cast down, O my inner self?  And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me?  Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my sad countenance, and my God." - Psalm 43:5 (amplified)

While running errands with my mom today, I remarked, "Everyone is going through something.  In fact . . . it seems like no one is ever not going through something!"

Some of you may be enduring a season of storms. 

Others may feel like a tornado just ripped through your situation.  

Then there are those of you who feel like you've got Hurricane Katrina absolutely devastating you, ravaging your heart, annihilating your hope.

Lately, God's been directing me to address EMOTIONAL PAIN in these blog posts.  I pray they are ministering to someone as they have ministered to me.

If you're in a season of "Hurricane Katrina" pain, one thing you must realize is that pain is blinding.  When people say they can't see past the pain, they're telling the truth.  Because pain will never allow you to see anything but IT.  

Did you know you have 2 sets of eyes??  

The only way to see through a season of pain is to stop looking through our human eyes -- reasoning, trying to understand, trying to figure it out -- and instead open our heart's eyes, eyes of faith.  You will never be able to see clearly if you're walking through fog.  But the fog hovers near the ground, so if you were to climb a hill or a tall tree, you'd be able to see over it!  This is a parallel of how you can see with your "eyes of faith."  Trust will open those eyes.

Suppose God see you clinging to something that we shouldn't be clinging to.  Maybe He sees that it's not good for you to cling to it.  Maybe He has something better.  Or maybe He sees that it is good, but it's not time for you to have it.  Whatever the reason, He takes it away.  And you're absolutely devastated.

Catch this: God ALWAYS acts in the way that will do us the MOST GOOD and bring Him the MOST GLORY.  And above all, He acts in unfathomable love. 

Unfathomable love.

In your human mind you cannot possibly see how this could be used for good.  All you see is . . . well, nothing.  You're blind.  Blinded by the pain.

Out of God's unfathomably tender love, He chose to bring about the hardest thing, that "worst case scenario", knowing the unspeakable pain it would cause, knowing there would be many opportunities for Satan to use it to destroy you, or for you to reject Him (God) altogether.  In His love, He saw what the end result would be and decided it was worth the risk.  

Look at Jesus.  He sweated blood as He begged God to let the cup of suffering pass from Him (Luke 22:42, 44).  And yet He ultimately surrendered Himself to His Father's will.  God saw that the end result of Jesus's suffering would be YOUR ADOPTION into His family, and He decided it was worth it.  Think about all the prophesies about Jesus, how much hung in the balance! 

For example,"He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth." -Isaiah 53:7

If Jesus had opened his mouth, Satan would have won.  Something as small as that would have marred the way to our salvation.  Jesus was walking the ultimate tightrope. 

It was the ultimate risk.  

So what's risky about your situation?  Your response.  Suppose you have a child who is playing with something that is not good for them, or something they shouldn't have right now.  As a parent, you see what is best for your child and you lovingly take away that item.  The child is devastated.  In his mind, he cannot see that you have acted for his good.  He can't understand why mommy or daddy just took away his treasure.  He doesn't understand the purpose behind the pain.  What if he rebels against you?  What if he hates you and walks away?

"If the PURPOSE couldn't exceed the PAIN, the answer is NO." -Beth Moore

In other words, if God couldn't bring about a result that would exceed the level of pain it takes to get there, He wouldn't have taken away your treasure.  

But what if your child, with tears still streaming down his cheeks, turned to you, lifted his little hands, and in the only way he knew how, told you that he trusted you.  He doesn't understand why, but he knows you are good, that you would only act in his best interest, and that he is submitting to you.

Doesn't that stir your heart?  What do you feel in the moment?  Overflowing love?  Pride? 

Today as I drove home from school, I reflected on my own pain and, for the hundredth time, vocalized that I TRUST HIM.  In spite of my pain, in spite of my not being able to see the good yet, in spite of my own Hurricane Katrina, I trust Him to write my story.  I am handing over the pen.  

He whispered to my heart something I know He will speak to yours in that moment:

"My daughter, I am so proud of you."

What Fountain are YOU Swimming in?

(Note from the author: Per a request, I may start changing the colors of these posts so they're easier to differentiate from each other!)

A few weeks ago, I was skimming through the book of Jeremiah and my eye caught a verse that made me feel uncomfortable.  (Isn't that great? haha -- my public speaking textbook calls that feeling "cognitive dissonance", which is a sense of mental discomfort that prompts people to change when new information conflicts with their previous thought patterns.  And there's your college-thought of the day.)

The verse was Jeremiah 2:13, which says, "For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the Fountain of Living Waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."

Americans don't use the word "cistern" all too often (it's basically a well), but in Bible times a cistern was a hole dug in the ground that served as the holding tank for their water.  Now think outside the box, away from the literal terms, and see what God is trying to tell His people.

"For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the Fountain of Living Waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."

People make "cisterns" out of dreams, hopes, plans, people.  God is trying to tell us that only He can fulfill us -- and only He can fill us.  We are looking for fulfillment in the wrong place, in things and people who cannot possibly fill us or keep us filled. 

That sounds like me!  Maybe I haven't "forsaken" God, but I've been pulling off the song and dance of having both "cisterns" and not letting the "broken" cistern go.  I've been praying for God to fill the cracked cistern, but even if He does one day, it will be like a sieve, and no matter how much water is poured in, it will never keep it filled.  In the end I'd be splashing around in a kiddie pool with a few inches of water in it, when I could have been diving into a bottomless ocean of God's vast, fulfilling love.  Looks like I need a prayer adjustment!  Maybe you do too.

So what does this look like for you?  Have you been focusing on a cracked cistern and praying for God to fill it?  It may be a good, wonderful thing!!  But anything that is not Jesus Christ is a sieve; it won't hold water.  Not for long.  It can't.  It's cracked.  So even if God DOES choose to fill that cistern someday (and He might, and I hope He will!) our expectations must be realistic.  We can't expect those things to fill us.  They might, for a while.  But like a water bottle with a hole in it, it will slowly leak and the water level will fall.

We've all got God-sized holes in our hearts, and -- surprise! -- only God can fill that hole.  The only "water" that can fill you up is the Fountain of Living Waters.  I'd say the better bet is God's "cistern"! 

So what fountain are YOU swimming in?  The cracked kiddie pool with a few inches of water in it?  Or the bottomless ocean of God?