"Espero"

Native English-speakers use so many words.  Millions of them.  We have formal and slang words. We often have several different words to describe the same emotion or object. We even invent words -- and use them (YOLO, bae -- and so on)!  But for all our words, I still occasionally find that even my complex English can fall to its knees in the wake of the simplest word spoken in another language. 

Like tonight.

For awhile now, I have been learning Spanish as I walk forward into preparation for international work and ministry, which I believe God is calling me to do with my life. (For more on how that came about, click here.) 
Spanish is a beautiful language.  It is complex yet gracefully simple.  I am now at the point where I can converse [very simply] with native speakers (who are remarkably patient with me), and few things give me more joy.  
Because I am learning, my brain hears a string of Spanish words and then whirrs into action, hastily calculating, translating, and rearranging the Spanish words until they make sense to me in English.  When I understand the meaning in English, I then re-arrange, re-translate, and "mentally file" the Spanish phrase -- successfully learned.  (Learning is exhausting sometimes.)  

However, sometimes it takes just one word to stop me in my tracks.

Tonight I was listening to worship in Spanish, and I was thrilled by how easily and quickly my mind was recognizing and understanding the words.  I felt such freedom to worship in my new second language!  
The music continued, "Espero aqui . . . ."
My brain snagged, and the mental hole ripped open wider and wider as I continued to translate the rest of the sentence, but simultaneously remain fixated on that one word.

Espero.  

Something wasn't quite right.  I knew that word, didn't I?  I quickly identified what the problem was.  Why my brain couldn't translate it immediately.

It has more than one meaning.         

I don't often encounter Spanish words that have more than one meaning (as is common in English).  Maybe it's because I'm not that advanced yet, but this word threw me for a loop.  

Espero is the I-form of the verb Esperar, which means, "to wait."  It also means, "to hope."  
I wasn't sure whether to translate "espero" as "I wait", or "I hope".  And just like that, I felt God smile in my heart.  Exactly, He seemed to say.

English-speakers have differentiated between the two words, giving them not only different names but dissimilar meanings and associations.  But in Spanish, the two actions are represented by one word, one concept.  If I am waiting for God to move, Espero.  If I am hoping for God to move, Espero.  

In most cases, waiting is a form of hoping.  And sometimes, hoping does mean waiting.  I know for a fact that God is calling me to begin treating waiting and hoping as the same verb.  As Esperar.

This summer, a friend told me that there is little point in "trusting God" if hope is not attached to that trust.  Hopeless "trust" is really just "resignation" wearing a Christian mask.  How often I have succumbed to resignation in my faith-walk, convinced that God might show Himself good in my life someday, but until then, I couldn't expect a life of abundance or joyful intimacy with God -- or a faith that "worked."   Sometimes I find it ironic that many Christians feel the same way, yet spend their whole lives trying to convince others to adopt a faith that isn't even "working" for them! 
Has life dealt you some blows?  Do you owe the enemy a few?  I sure do.  And I want to hit him hard when I do.  This leads me to ask you a few questions that I've already asked myself:

1.  Do you believe God is good?
2.  Do you believe that God's heart toward you is good?
3.  Do you believe that God will be good . . . to you?
4.  Do you believe that God will do what He says He will do?

God hasn't just told us that we can trust Him.  He's shown us.  I don't have to look far to know with conviction that God can take the ugliest mess, the most searing pain, and the deepest darkness . . . and completely transform them into radiant beauty, gentle wisdom, and triumphant healing.  This God can raise hope from the ashes of shattered dreams.  He can make clear roadways where there appear to be only brick walls.  He can bring monsoon rains to desert souls, and suddenly, tangibly fulfill promises long-awaited.  This God can most definitely be trusted.  When He speaks a word, He will bring it about. 

If you are in a waiting season, how would you characterize your waiting?  Do you wait with resignation?  Do you wait with bitterness or despair?  Would you dare to say, "I wait with hope?"  Do you trust Him enough to go before Him, nestle into His everlasting arms, and whisper, "Espero"?

I have decided that life without hope in God is no life at all.  With God's help to keep my heart strong during seasons of waiting, I will continue to say, "¡Espero!"  May He breathe hope into you as well.

Dios contigo. <3

Unlocked: A Lesson from Brazil

Two months ago, if someone asked me if I believed in the power of prayer, I would say "Yes, of course!" but wouldn't really believe it.  I'd agree because that's what Christians do.  However, if there were ever a crisis and someone said, "Let's pray about it," I'd feel frustrated because that wouldn't seem like enough.  I would feel the need to do something about the crisis.  Countless times before when I'd prayed, it appeared that God didn't answer.  And I was sick of it.  Don't get me wrong; God and I were tight!  It's just that over time I developed a slightly pessimistic view of prayer.

But my world turned upside down when I went to Brazil.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was given the opportunity to share my testimony in an evening church service.  I didn't have a very clear idea of what to say so I was very dependent on the Lord to lead me as I spoke.  I was completely humbled by what He did with my story that night.  Twenty blog posts couldn't fully describe what happened.  It was incredibly awesome, and I was so, so blessed.  

The next morning, however, I woke up sick.  Not only that, but I also felt spiritually attacked.  My emotions were frayed and every part of me felt assaulted.  The women on our mission team prayed over me that morning, but nevertheless, the attack escalated throughout the day.  I even felt a wall between me and God.  That night, I went to Jill (my mentor on the trip) and told her what I was going through.  Her response was to gather the women again, lay hands on me, and absolutely go to war.  These women prayed so hard for me.  When they stopped praying, Jill looked me straight in the eye and said, "Tomorrow, this illness will be gone."

I nodded and smiled but didn't really believe her.  I knew that, without treatment, the illness I had would not go away for at least 4 days.  My pessimism seemed justified by the fact that nothing had happened as a result of their prayers that morning. 

But the next day after breakfast, I was stunned.  I was completely well.  And the spiritual attack was gone.  I was humbled almost to the point of humiliation.  I wanted to scream at myself, "Woman, where is your faith?"

The day after I got well, another woman on our team fell very ill, so much so that she couldn't even leave the dorm room.  I was in the dorm room getting ready for the day when the Spirit spoke to my heart, Drop everything.  Go get the women and pray for her.  Do it now.  Do it now.

I literally dropped everything I was holding and ran outside to find Jill and the other women on our team.  I apologized for interrupting their devotions but insisted that I felt led to get the women together and pray for our teammate.  The women responded that they had felt the exact prompting just before I ran over.  

We went to war for our teammate, believing that God could and would answer, and that He could and would heal, if that was His will for her that day (which we believed it could be).  Only a few hours later, our teammate was on her feet and was diving back into ministry with the rest of us.  

Needless to say, it didn't take much for my attitude to change.  Since I got back, prayer has become one of the most exciting aspects of my walk with God.  I'm absolutely delighting in the power of prayer, and I believe He is delighting in my delight.  The Lord is captivated by unabashed faith.  I've been home from Brazil for a month already, and I can't even count the prayers He has answered.  From big things to little things, the Lord has responded when I pray in faith, and pray in step with His will.  

Pastor Jim Johnson from JustAPreacher Ministries (www.justapreacherministries.org) says that God is LOOKING for genuine faith. "I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" -Luke 18:8 (emphasis mine)

Not just the kind of faith that trusts Him for salvation, but faith that is practical and continues every day of your life.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." -James 1:5-6 (emphasis mine)

This is the key to unlocking prayer.  Here was my problem -- I would pray, but didn't really trust God to answer the way I wanted Him to.  My previous experiences with prayer trained me to think that way.  But in reality, it's not that God wasn't answering me.  God sometimes let bad things happen in my life because He saw the bigger picture and knew that He could bring much glory out of those things. 
Also, when I prayed, I always had a Plan B in case God "didn't come through."  That wasn't honoring Him; that was sending a silent message to Him that sounded like, "God, I love You, but I don't think You're big enough to come through for me.  I have this Plan B because, frankly, I don't trust You."

Get rid of those Plan Bs right now.

If you don’t have a Plan B, that means your only option is Plan A – Jesus.  Our society has watered-down Jesus and made Him seem wimpy and weak, tame, tender and – well, effeminate, really.  That’s not the Jesus I read about in the Bible.  That’s not the Jesus that single-handedly cleared out the temple, or walked on the water through a hurricane, or calmed that hurricane by a single word, or valiantly took my place and bled and broke and died for me.  My God is wild and all-powerful.  My God is good. 

 "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." -Hebrews 11:6

I am saddened when I hear people say, “Well?  I guess all we can do now is pray,” as if prayer is the final resort when all human efforts have failed.  That’s backwards.  Now, when I face anything (a happy day, a crisis, whatever), my first response –my first choice!-- is prayer.  God  is completely trustworthy.  He loves us.  He wants us to come to Him.  Will we not trust Him, this wild, passionate, incredible God? 

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." -Hebrews 11:1

I choose to unlock my prayers.  I choose You, Lord.  I’m not relying on a Plan B.  I want that radical faith.  In fact, during debrief on our last morning in Brazil, I summarized that experience by identifying what God has been longing to say to me all along.

“Woman, great is your faith!”

Fire, Water, and 450 Guys: A Peek at Elijah Part 1

     When I crawled into bed after midnight recently, the house was quiet, and all the lights in the house were turned off except mine.  I had several ideas I was "chewing" on and praying about, hoping that God would shed more light on them.  In the midnight stillness, I felt led to grab my Bible and open to 1 Kings, where I stayed into the wee morning hours as God showed an example of unbelievable -- almost ridiculous -- faith.  

     Elijah's finest hour comes in 1 Kings 18, after three years of drought.  God told Elijah to show himself to King Ahab, and then God would send the rain.  

     Elijah does as he's told . . . and then challenges Ahab to a face-off -- my God vs. your god.  However, the text doesn't indicate that God specifically told Elijah to do this!  But 450 prophets of Baal assemble at Mount Carmel, along with a huge crowd of people.  Elijah rebukes the people for sitting on the fence and tells them they must jump off one way or another -- would they serve God or serve Baal?  

     Elijah then faces the 450 prophets of Baal and tells them to sacrifice a bull and lay it on an altar, but to not set it on fire.  He would do the same.  "'And you call upon the name of your god, and I will call upon the name of the LORD, and the God who answers by fire, he is God.'  And all the people answered, 'It is well spoken.'" (vs. 24) 

     The prophets of Baal sacrificed a bull, laid it on their altar, and then spend hours crying out to Baal, begging him to answer.  No answer.  They begged him to send fire.  No answer.  More pleading.  No answer.  "And at noon Elijah mocked then, saying, 'Cry aloud, for he is a god.  Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.'  And they cried aloud and cut themselves after their custom with swords and lances, until the blood gushed out upon them.  And as midday passed, they raved on until the time of the offering of the oblation [evening worship], but there was no voice.  No one answered; no one paid attention." (vs.27-29)

     Finally, Elijah said, my turn.  At Mount Carmel, there was an altar to the Lord that had been torn down.  Elijah began to rebuild it in a very special way.  "Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, to whom the word of the LORD came, saying, 'Israel shall be your name,' and with the stones he built an altar in the name of the LORD." (vs. 31-32a)  

     Let's stop right there, because this is worth noting.  Elijah built that altar with stones that symbolized GOD'S PROMISE to Israel.  That altar's very foundation was a promise.  Elijah knew that God had promised to come through for Israel and that He would make good on that.  Elijah knew that God is good, and God is faithful.  Elijah was banking on history repeating itself. 

     Since this blog came from the idea of Gideon, let's go back there for a second.  Food for thought: when Gideon and his 300 men faced Midian, the odds were 450 to 1.  What were the odds for Elijah and the prophets of Baal?  Yep.  450 to 1.  I'm indebted to Pastor Cliff Johnson for pointing this out.

     "And [Elijah] made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two seahs of seed.  And he put the wood in order and cut the bull in pieces and laid it on the wood.  And he said, 'Fill four jars with water and pour it on the burnt offering and on the wood.'"

This is insane.  Water aside, Elijah just said, "the burnt offering."  It's not burnt! . . . Yet.  Elijah spoke in faith, but the prophets of Baal must've been snickering, if they hadn't already passed out from all that blood loss. >:)

     But pour water over the offering?  Good grief, why?!  Yet he commands that it be done again!  And again!  Twelve large jars of water were dumped over this altar.  It's like Elijah intentionally made it twelve times harder for God to come through -- twelve times more impossible! Or did he?

     You see, although God may not have commanded Elijah to organize this "showdown of the Gods," I believe He was delighted in Elijah's faith.  If I were Elijah, my heart would have been banging against my chest as I prayed desperately for God to come through, all the time fearing that He would not . . . . Perhaps God wanted to move and act in an entirely different way than I wanted.  I'd be afraid of bringing shame upon God's name by pushing my own agenda on the possibility that God wouldn't come through.  Wouldn't I be giving God a bad rep?  

     Honestly, this is how we think.  But understand this: God can take care of His own reputation.  You do your part, make sure you're in line with His will, and step out in faith -- don't worry about embarrassing yourself or embarrassing God.  You can't. 

     "At the time of the offering of the oblation [evening worship], Elijah the prophet came near and said, 'O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that You are God in Israel, and that I am Your servant, and that I have done all these things at Your word.  Answer me, O LORD, answer me, that this people may know that You, O LORD, are God, and that You have turned their hearts back.'  Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.  And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, 'The LORD, He is God; the LORD, He is God.'" (vs. 36-39)

     And just like that, God did it.  So, why am I writing about this?  It's in the Bible after all; technically you could've read it for yourself.  I want you to see something, something I never saw until two nights ago.  Elijah was so confident in his God that he made the circumstances seem impossible to give God a GREATER platform, a way for God to get even more glory, WHEN (not IF) He came through.  Elijah was sure of it, so why not make it big? 

     And God loved it.  He loved that Elijah wasn't chewing his fingernails, afraid that the Lord might not come through and send the fire.  No, Elijah showed God this almost disgusting display of overwhelming faith and radical trust!  Elijah personified Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  I think God's heart thrilled with love for Elijah and He was delighted to come through -- a grand show, apocalyptic fire!

     "We have a God who loves to show off on behalf of those who trust Him." -Pastor Jim Johnson, JustAPreacher Ministries

     God came through.  And it was INCREDIBLE.  But what's interesting is what happened immediately after.  God sent the rain.  

     But we'll talk about that in Part 2.  :)

The Line: A Message to Singles

"I would rather do Kindergarten thru 12th grade 100 times over than spend one day worrying about who I was going to marry," said Nathan, one of my college pastors, a husband and father of five.

I think some of us can relate to Pastor Nathan in this area.  Are you sitting alone today?  Is there no "significant other" in your life?  Just plain . . . single?  Well, as a single woman myself, let me encourage you with a few quick words -- a message God has laid on my heart as I've wrestled with this issue in my own life.

First of all, understand this: the desire for marriage and family is good.  It is biblical.  It is ordained by God and ingrained in most of our hearts as something to be desired.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married.  But the white blurs to grey when we make marriage an idol, enslaving our minds to wishes and wants instead of focusing our worship on our captivating God, from Whom all blessings (including marriage) flow (James 1:17).  Are we worshiping the blessing or the Blesser?

Second, know that God arranges marriages.  I used to constantly worry about when, where, how, and who until one day it finally clicked: If God wants me married, He will bring the right guy at exactly the right time, not a second later or sooner than is necessary.  It doesn't matter if we are across the country or across the world; He will shake Heaven and Earth to bring us together -- nothing can stop Him!  I began laughing at myself for getting so wound up.  God opened my eyes, unclenched my controlling little fists, and whispered to my heart, "I love you.  I am sovereign.  Trust Me."  I challenge you to join me here.

Thirdly, know that God lives in the past, the present, and the future (Rev. 4:8).  This is where the title: The Line comes into play.  When I asked Him about my future husband recently, God opened the eyes of my heart so I could see a white piece of paper with a line drawn on it.  My name was written on the left, and right next to mine, blurred beyond recognition, was another name.  I knew at once it was my future husband's name.  God moved my heart to realize He's already chosen my husband.  It's done.  Finished.  Decided.  It was written before I was born, even before he was born.  My husband's name was blurred because God knows that it is not time for me to know it yet.  When the time comes, I'll see his name clearly.  

So what now? you may ask. How does this change things?  It's gloriously simple.  There is absolutely no need to worry.  It won't speed things up!  The only answer is to realize that if God's plan for you is marriage, then your name is on a line too, and your spouse's name is written right next to yours, blurred for now.  All we need to do is practice Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." 

So be encouraged, my friend.  You may be single right now and not like it, but soften your heart to what God is teaching you, and pray for your future spouse; God is teaching him/her too.  After you are prepared for each other, He will bring you together.  Remember, nothing in Heaven or on Earth can stop Him from acting at exactly the right moment.  He is writing your love story.  Keep turning the pages.  :)