"Espero"

Native English-speakers use so many words.  Millions of them.  We have formal and slang words. We often have several different words to describe the same emotion or object. We even invent words -- and use them (YOLO, bae -- and so on)!  But for all our words, I still occasionally find that even my complex English can fall to its knees in the wake of the simplest word spoken in another language. 

Like tonight.

For awhile now, I have been learning Spanish as I walk forward into preparation for international work and ministry, which I believe God is calling me to do with my life. (For more on how that came about, click here.) 
Spanish is a beautiful language.  It is complex yet gracefully simple.  I am now at the point where I can converse [very simply] with native speakers (who are remarkably patient with me), and few things give me more joy.  
Because I am learning, my brain hears a string of Spanish words and then whirrs into action, hastily calculating, translating, and rearranging the Spanish words until they make sense to me in English.  When I understand the meaning in English, I then re-arrange, re-translate, and "mentally file" the Spanish phrase -- successfully learned.  (Learning is exhausting sometimes.)  

However, sometimes it takes just one word to stop me in my tracks.

Tonight I was listening to worship in Spanish, and I was thrilled by how easily and quickly my mind was recognizing and understanding the words.  I felt such freedom to worship in my new second language!  
The music continued, "Espero aqui . . . ."
My brain snagged, and the mental hole ripped open wider and wider as I continued to translate the rest of the sentence, but simultaneously remain fixated on that one word.

Espero.  

Something wasn't quite right.  I knew that word, didn't I?  I quickly identified what the problem was.  Why my brain couldn't translate it immediately.

It has more than one meaning.         

I don't often encounter Spanish words that have more than one meaning (as is common in English).  Maybe it's because I'm not that advanced yet, but this word threw me for a loop.  

Espero is the I-form of the verb Esperar, which means, "to wait."  It also means, "to hope."  
I wasn't sure whether to translate "espero" as "I wait", or "I hope".  And just like that, I felt God smile in my heart.  Exactly, He seemed to say.

English-speakers have differentiated between the two words, giving them not only different names but dissimilar meanings and associations.  But in Spanish, the two actions are represented by one word, one concept.  If I am waiting for God to move, Espero.  If I am hoping for God to move, Espero.  

In most cases, waiting is a form of hoping.  And sometimes, hoping does mean waiting.  I know for a fact that God is calling me to begin treating waiting and hoping as the same verb.  As Esperar.

This summer, a friend told me that there is little point in "trusting God" if hope is not attached to that trust.  Hopeless "trust" is really just "resignation" wearing a Christian mask.  How often I have succumbed to resignation in my faith-walk, convinced that God might show Himself good in my life someday, but until then, I couldn't expect a life of abundance or joyful intimacy with God -- or a faith that "worked."   Sometimes I find it ironic that many Christians feel the same way, yet spend their whole lives trying to convince others to adopt a faith that isn't even "working" for them! 
Has life dealt you some blows?  Do you owe the enemy a few?  I sure do.  And I want to hit him hard when I do.  This leads me to ask you a few questions that I've already asked myself:

1.  Do you believe God is good?
2.  Do you believe that God's heart toward you is good?
3.  Do you believe that God will be good . . . to you?
4.  Do you believe that God will do what He says He will do?

God hasn't just told us that we can trust Him.  He's shown us.  I don't have to look far to know with conviction that God can take the ugliest mess, the most searing pain, and the deepest darkness . . . and completely transform them into radiant beauty, gentle wisdom, and triumphant healing.  This God can raise hope from the ashes of shattered dreams.  He can make clear roadways where there appear to be only brick walls.  He can bring monsoon rains to desert souls, and suddenly, tangibly fulfill promises long-awaited.  This God can most definitely be trusted.  When He speaks a word, He will bring it about. 

If you are in a waiting season, how would you characterize your waiting?  Do you wait with resignation?  Do you wait with bitterness or despair?  Would you dare to say, "I wait with hope?"  Do you trust Him enough to go before Him, nestle into His everlasting arms, and whisper, "Espero"?

I have decided that life without hope in God is no life at all.  With God's help to keep my heart strong during seasons of waiting, I will continue to say, "¡Espero!"  May He breathe hope into you as well.

Dios contigo. <3

When Life is Like I-69

Last weekend, I drove my family down to Fort Wayne, Indiana so I could attend a reunion of teammates from my summer trip.  We'd been planning the reunion for several weeks and I couldn't wait to get there!  

What I didn't realize was that the route we took would change my perspective on life.

My mom navigated from the passenger seat, and she instructed me to take I-69 all the way to Fort Wayne.  To the untrained eye, taking I-69 does not seem like the best way (the quickest or most convenient) to get from eastern Michigan to northern Indiana.  She assured me from the start, however, that taking I-69 would be the smoothest, least complicated, and most direct way to get to our destination.

Trusting her judgment, since she's made the trip many more times than I have, I began to drive.  It wasn't long, however, before the irony began to set in.  To get to I-69, we had to drive north -- the complete opposite direction of where we wanted to go.  And once we merged onto I-69, we had to drive west!  

Again, I trusted my mom's judgment, but I couldn't help feeling tense as we drove westward, hour after hour, seemingly getting nowhere close to Fort Wayne.  It felt like a waste of time.  If we needed to go south, why did we have to go west?  Would the road ever turn south?  

Mom assured me it would.  Once we arrived in Lansing, she said, I-69 would curve around the city and we would begin to head south toward Fort Wayne.  Sure enough, about two hours into our trip, I-69 curved around Lansing and we were finally heading in the direction we had been wanting to go!  

My mind was very busy as I drove south for the next few hours.  

Life is often like I-69.  In our lives, we often have a deep desire to go a certain "direction", or to get to a certain "destination", but the route from A to B -- when taken on God's terms -- can defy rationality.  Why would God ask you to head the opposite direction?  And once you made the transition to the "route" He has planned for you, why would He set the course westward?  You're running parallel to the destination.  You are no closer to Point B than you were before!

Or so you thought.

See, my mom chose I-69 because it was the smoothest, least complicated, and most direct way to our destination.  She could have chosen the more common route, which was riddled with changing interstates, heavy traffic congestion, construction, and the stress that comes with navigating through large cities.  She chose I-69 because it was easier and more peaceful, (which she knew would benefit me because I'd never driven to Fort Wayne before). 
All along, we merely stayed the course.  We didn't have to change interstates or drive through congested cities.  We let I-69 take us all the way to our destination.

This is a beautiful picture of how God guides us.  He may lead us onto a road that makes absolutely no sense.  It may be frustrating.  It may lead us into a season of spiritual drought or silence.  It may feel lonely, like a desert.  We're heading west when all we want is to head south! We may begin to doubt God's logic -- which can spiral into doubting His goodness, His character, and His love.  

The world, the flesh, and the devil will tell you that while you're heading west, you are no closer to Point B than you were before.  All the angst, blind faith, and trust in the dark -- it's all a waste. 
But that's wrong.  You are much closer to Point B than you could ever dream!  It may not feel like it now, but if you truly trust God's heart toward you, you will see that the route He's chosen will take you directly to where He wants you to be.  

God's Point B may not be your Point B.  As I drove westward toward Lansing, I drew a comparison of the route to my own life since returning from my trip this summer.  I had to admit to myself that God's Point B might be drastically different than mine, and that He has made no promise to take me to my Point B.  All He has promised is that this road I travel (with my hand in His) will take me directly to where He wants me, wherever that may be. 
With this in mind, the road may keep going west!  It may turn north again, or it may even head back east.  Walk the road by faith and let Him decide which way the path will curve.  It may indeed take the turn you hope for and begin heading in the direction you desire! 

Remember why my mom chose I-69.  She knew that I had never gone this way before and wanted to take me the safest and least complicated way.  She chose I-69 out of compassion and love for me.
When God takes you a route you don't understand, remember that everything He does is motivated out of compassion and love for you!  Everything He gives, everything He takes away, everything He allows, and everything He doesn't allow are all colored by His faithfulness, His compassion, His protection, His mercy, and His LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!
  
While you are on your own I-69, traveling a path you don't understand, striving toward a goal you cannot see, cupping your empty hands, trying to figure out how to hope . . . may I suggest a new prayer to pray?  It is just seven words long, but those seven little words can change your life forever. 

"Father, align my heart with Your will."  

Welcome to I-69!  Trust your Navigator.  Keep driving. 

Pink Clouds and Broken Mirrors

One evening, when I had finished my last class of the day and was walking to another building on campus, I glanced up at the sky and stopped in my tracks.  The sky was beautiful; it took my breath away.  The sun started to dip below the horizon, filling the sky with brilliant orange color.  But it was the large, puffy clouds that caught my attention the most.

They were bright pink.  

I walked more slowly, staring, until the sun suddenly disappeared below the horizon and the sky dimmed dramatically.  Now the clouds turned ashy grey.  I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that something so beautiful and unique a minute ago was now bleak and plain.  Did the clouds have some hidden beauty I wasn't seeing right now?

Later I realized that on their own, the clouds were just empty, blank canvases.  It was the sun's rays that made the clouds beautiful as they reflected its glory.  Sound familiar?

The concept of reflecting glory reminds me of something I heard on the radio years ago, when Luci Swindoll (the sister of renowned evangelist Chuck Swindoll) presented a unique view of us as Christians.  According to Ms. Swindoll, we are all broken mirror fragments, broken by our pasts, our sins, our failures, and our experiences, but all able to reflect the glory of Jesus Christ!  We can reflect His glory despite our brokenness -- even through our brokenness!  

This is an illustration of who we are.  We are blank, grey clouds and broken mirrors.  But even we can be used for His glory if we choose to reflect Him no matter the circumstances.  Just as I was captivated by the beauty of that sunset and wondered whether the beauty originated from the clouds or from the sun shining on the clouds, so will the world look at us and wonder if the peace we have (or the confidence, the hope, the joy) is something we somehow found in ourselves, or if it really does come from knowing Jesus Christ intimately.   

2 Corinthians 3:18, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."

2 Corinthians 4:6, "For God, who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."

Isaiah 60:1-3, "Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.  For behold, darkness will cover the earth and deep darkness the peoples; but the Lord will rise upon you and His glory will appear upon you.  Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising."

Beautiful Scars

This isn't a normal message from Facing Midian.  This message is straight to you, from my heart.  This morning I am overflowing with praise -- I hardly know why I am writing this; I just want to share with you what my sweet Lord has done for me.  

He has turned my scabs into beautiful scars.

Now, I know about scars.  I have physical scars from burns I received in an accident when I was 16 months old, injuries that required so many surgeries that my mom lost count.  I don't remember it, but the trauma from that incident has remained with me and made me unable to handle being in a children's hospital in Brazil.  Oh yes, I have scars.  But one thing I know about scars is this: scars don't still hurt. 

The worst kind of wound is the kind you carry with you every day -- a wounded heart.  My heart was wounded, and I carried that pain with me for a long, long time.  I didn't know how to get past it.  I couldn't see past it.  I couldn't feel past it.  

Today I opened my prayer journal and flipped back to the entries that mark the worst emotional pain of my life.  The pain written on those pages is blistering and intense, almost radiating up into my face as I read them.  But what I experienced when I read them today . . . was different.  

Yesterday I asked the Lord to heal my heart once and for all.  I knew I couldn't truly live until I'd been fully, completely healed.  I couldn't move forward without it.  I'd tried for months and months to "think" my way into healing and "study" my way into healing.  All that time, God was longing for me to reach the end of my rope and just ask Him.  Just ask Him.  He wanted me to ask for a miracle.  He wanted me to realize that He didn't need my help to heal.  He wanted me to realize that there was absolutely nothing I could do to get myself out of this pit.  It would have to be all Him. 

This morning, I re-read those devastating journal entries and didn't feel what I used to feel.  I didn't identify with the woundedness or wonder how I'd ever be healed from such devastation.  I felt whole again, and peaceful, and healed.  

Jesus has healed my heart.

Hallelujah!  What beautiful, beautiful scars.

"Praise God we don't have to hide scars!
"They just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts.
"They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are.
"So praise God, praise God!
"Oh His are covering ours,
"So Praise God we don't have to hide scars." -Jonny Diaz, "Scars"

Praise God for these beautiful scars!

The Line: A Message to Singles

"I would rather do Kindergarten thru 12th grade 100 times over than spend one day worrying about who I was going to marry," said Nathan, one of my college pastors, a husband and father of five.

I think some of us can relate to Pastor Nathan in this area.  Are you sitting alone today?  Is there no "significant other" in your life?  Just plain . . . single?  Well, as a single woman myself, let me encourage you with a few quick words -- a message God has laid on my heart as I've wrestled with this issue in my own life.

First of all, understand this: the desire for marriage and family is good.  It is biblical.  It is ordained by God and ingrained in most of our hearts as something to be desired.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married.  But the white blurs to grey when we make marriage an idol, enslaving our minds to wishes and wants instead of focusing our worship on our captivating God, from Whom all blessings (including marriage) flow (James 1:17).  Are we worshiping the blessing or the Blesser?

Second, know that God arranges marriages.  I used to constantly worry about when, where, how, and who until one day it finally clicked: If God wants me married, He will bring the right guy at exactly the right time, not a second later or sooner than is necessary.  It doesn't matter if we are across the country or across the world; He will shake Heaven and Earth to bring us together -- nothing can stop Him!  I began laughing at myself for getting so wound up.  God opened my eyes, unclenched my controlling little fists, and whispered to my heart, "I love you.  I am sovereign.  Trust Me."  I challenge you to join me here.

Thirdly, know that God lives in the past, the present, and the future (Rev. 4:8).  This is where the title: The Line comes into play.  When I asked Him about my future husband recently, God opened the eyes of my heart so I could see a white piece of paper with a line drawn on it.  My name was written on the left, and right next to mine, blurred beyond recognition, was another name.  I knew at once it was my future husband's name.  God moved my heart to realize He's already chosen my husband.  It's done.  Finished.  Decided.  It was written before I was born, even before he was born.  My husband's name was blurred because God knows that it is not time for me to know it yet.  When the time comes, I'll see his name clearly.  

So what now? you may ask. How does this change things?  It's gloriously simple.  There is absolutely no need to worry.  It won't speed things up!  The only answer is to realize that if God's plan for you is marriage, then your name is on a line too, and your spouse's name is written right next to yours, blurred for now.  All we need to do is practice Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." 

So be encouraged, my friend.  You may be single right now and not like it, but soften your heart to what God is teaching you, and pray for your future spouse; God is teaching him/her too.  After you are prepared for each other, He will bring you together.  Remember, nothing in Heaven or on Earth can stop Him from acting at exactly the right moment.  He is writing your love story.  Keep turning the pages.  :)